Make Affirmations work for you

The Art of Breaking Negative Thought Spirals: A Practical Guide to Better-Feeling Thoughts

Have you ever noticed how one negative thought can send you spiraling into an avalanche of darker and darker thoughts? You're not alone. This pattern feels automatic and unconscious, but here's the good news: it's a learned behavior that we can change. Just as we can spiral down, we can learn to spiral up.

Understanding Emotions and the Body Connection

Abraham Hicks developed an emotional guidance scale that helps us understand how emotions are related and exist on a spectrum from positive to negative. While Hicks describes emotions as vibrations, we can think of them more tangibly as physical sensations we feel inside our bodies. Emotions aren't actually our thoughts - they're physical feelings that we attach thoughts to.

Think about it: Sadness isn't just the thoughts about what makes us sad - it's that distinctive pressure behind our eyes that signals we might cry. Anger isn't just angry thoughts - it's the heat rising in our chest and the instinctive clenching of our fists. Our thoughts are often triggered by these bodily sensations, which then trigger more emotional responses, creating a loop: sensations trigger thoughts, thoughts trigger more sensations.

Breaking the Spiral Through Body Awareness

One of the most effective ways to break free from negative thought spirals is to first step back from the thoughts and tune into the physical sensations in your body. This practice, known as somatic awareness, involves consciously noticing and acknowledging the physical manifestations of our emotions. Where do you feel tension? Heat? Heaviness? Just observing these sensations without judgment can help interrupt the spiral.

The Truth About Affirmations

Many people struggle with traditional affirmations because they aim too high too quickly. When we try to force ourselves to believe something that feels far from our current reality, it can actually make us feel worse. This is why declaring "I love myself completely!" when you're struggling with self-worth often backfires - it only highlights the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

The Emotional Guidance Scale

1. Joy / Appreciation / Empowered / Freedom / Love

2. Passion

3. Enthusiasm / Eagerness / Happiness

4. Positive Expectation / Belief

5. Optimism

6. Hopefulness

7. Satisfaction / Contentment

8. Boredom

9. Pessimism

10. Frustration / Irritation / Impatience

11. Overwhelmed

12. Disappointment

13. Doubt

14. Worry

15. Blame

16. Discouragement

17. Anger

18. Revenge

19. Hatred/Rage

20. Jealousy

21. Insecurity / Guilt / Unworthiness

22. Fear / Grief / Depression / Despair / Powerlessness

    
    

*Source Abraham Hicks from the book “Ask and It is Given, ” pg. 114

The Secret to Effective Affirmations: Small Steps Up

The key to using affirmations effectively is to reach for thoughts that feel just slightly better than your current state. Instead of trying to leap from self-criticism to self-love in one bound, take smaller, more believable steps:

Instead of: "I love myself deeply" (when you don't feel that way) Try:

• "I want to learn to love myself more"

• "I'm learning more about self-love every day"

• "I understand that loving myself takes time, and I'm willing to work on it"

These statements feel more authentic and achievable, making them more effective at gradually shifting your emotional state.

Putting It Into Practice: A Real-Life Example

Let's look at a common scenario that demonstrates how to shift from a negative to a positive spiral:

Situation: Your spouse hasn't unloaded the dishwasher despite your request.

The Negative Spiral (What Not to Do):

• I'm so pissed at him. Why does he always do this?

• I'm so tired of him treating me this way - if he's gonna treat me this way then I'm gonna just shut him out (or think of a way to lash out at him to show him how much that I'm hurting)

• It might feel really good to ignore him or yell at him when he gets home so he knows exactly how bad he's making me feel

• His life is just so so much easier than mine. Why doesn't he see how much I'm struggling?

• He must not care about me that must be it. I'm just expecting too much. I'm a nag and my standards are too high.

• I don't wanna leave him, but this doesn't seem to be getting better. I don't think it's ever gonna get better so I feel trapped.

• What is the point to all of this if it's never gonna feel good…

The Positive Spiral (A Better Approach):

• I'm so pissed at him. Why does he always do this?

• I think I can recognize in this moment that I'm really angry.

• I can recognize that my anger comes from feeling really discouraged about trying to get my husband to help more around the house. It makes sense that I would feel discouraged.

• I'm worried that my husband will never start to help me and that all of this just will always be on me, and I don't like that feeling.

• I'm really disappointed in his behavior because I thought that when I married him he was going to be more of a partner.

• I'm really overwhelmed and frustrated by everything that's on my plate and it's understandable that I would feel this way.

• I’m really learning every day that my feelings makes sense.

• I don’t have all the solutions right now but I know how I feel makes sense.

• Maybe there is someone you can help me communicate with him better so that he really hears how much I need him to help more.

• Maybe we can try couples counseling.

• I really do love him and he does do so many things well, I really want to try to make things better between us.

• There are lots of things I’m sure we haven’t tried yet.

• I think I will talk to him tonight about a couples therapist, that feels better than getting in another fight.

• Maybe we can fix this in a way that feels good for us both.

  
  

The Journey Begins with Awareness

Before you can effectively begin shifting to better-feeling thoughts, it's crucial to develop awareness of what you're actually feeling. Many of us have become disconnected from our emotional experiences, operating on autopilot or intellectualizing our feelings rather than truly experiencing them.

The first step in this journey is learning to tune into both the physical sensations in your body and the thoughts running through your mind. This might mean noticing the tightness in your chest, the shallow breathing, the clenched jaw, or the churning stomach that accompanies your emotional state. It also means becoming aware of the automatic thoughts that cycle through your mind – those habitual narratives that you might not even realize you're telling yourself.

Making This Practice Your Own

Once you've developed this foundation of emotional awareness, you can begin the practice of spiraling up instead of down. Like any new skill, this takes time and patience to develop. You might find yourself stuck at first, unsure of how to find that next better-feeling thought. This is completely normal and part of the learning process.

There are several ways to practice this technique. You can do this work entirely in your head during moments of stress, speak your thoughts aloud when you're alone (which can be particularly powerful), or write them down in a journal. Writing can be especially helpful when you're first learning this practice, as it allows you to see your thought progression clearly on paper and return to it later to notice patterns.

Some people find it helpful to keep a "Better Thought Journal" where they document their starting thought and then deliberately work their way up the emotional scale, writing down each slightly better-feeling thought as it comes. Over time, you'll begin to notice that finding these better-feeling thoughts becomes more natural and automatic.

Remember, this isn't about forcing positive thinking or bypassing genuine emotions. It's about learning to guide yourself gently and authentically to a better-feeling place, one small step at a time. Each person's journey through their thoughts and emotions is unique, and what feels better for one person might not resonate with another.

Getting Support on Your Journey

Both the process of developing emotional awareness and learning to shift your thoughts are skills that can be learned more effectively with guidance. I offer one-on-one sessions where we can work together to develop your emotional awareness and create custom strategies for your unique challenges. Whether you're dealing with relationship challenges, work stress, self-doubt, or any other emotional challenge, having a guide can help you navigate this process more effectively and develop confidence in your ability to shift your emotional state.

Ready to begin your journey toward better emotional awareness and more positive thought patterns? You can book a discovery session today through my website. Together, we'll explore how these techniques can work specifically for you and your unique situations.